i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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