It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
