I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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