when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
