drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Randomize
