woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
