FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
