This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
