i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
