Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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