i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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