We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
