I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So squirting runs in the family.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
