either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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