i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
