so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
