Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
