I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
