Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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