is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize