Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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