What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
