I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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