You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Life is so much better after having sex.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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