I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
