I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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