the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
