White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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