You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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