Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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