pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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