and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
