oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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