I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
