yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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