That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
