I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
