dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
