Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
