Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
