If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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