I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
