I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
