They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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