Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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