you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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