I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
