and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
