he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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