I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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