Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
