One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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