You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
