did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
