We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
