Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
