Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
