Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
