i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Shame - the story of my life.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
