Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
