this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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