My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize