There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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