she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
