I wish i was in the wii world.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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