honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
