Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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