No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
