I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I could make wine with my vomit
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
